The frustration of marriage part I

Typically- I never write anything that is potentially harmful to others or people I love around me. But oh well- because this is my blog and I can use to cope and vent with whatever I want. I used to write every single little thing in my Xanga blog. I had several posts a week, following whatever I was going through. And for some reason, I got to Blogger and became 'uppity' about the whole blogging expeierence. Only blogging material that would gaurantee postive views. But life isn't always positive! And I digress--

The frustration of marriage. My lucky duck husband (or am I just the unlucky person) went on a cruise as a videographer for a friend's wedding. I don't know if it's the tiredness in the fun and work that he's high strung on, or what. But all I know is that he's got this attitude. And it's making me very irritable! Now I'm aware because of 'situation' (and my situation I mean pregnancy) that I'm going to be blowing up most things to the Nth degree. But we've gotten into some pretty silly arguments because we can't agree on something. And even when I volunteer to have a solution or compromise, I just feel like he's defiant into listening into anything I'm gonna say.

For instance- my husband will be working from home. This is good because when the baby comes home, we may not have to shell out bucks for daycare or nanny (only on those occasions where he must be out). And I told my neat-freak husband (who recieves his carnal hunger for dusting every day from his latino genes) that he simply won't have time to keep this house spic and span as he likes. He tells me "Yes, I can." Now anyone who has a newborn knows keenly that its hard enough keeping up with a newborn, on top working daily, going to school, and keeping the house clean and laundry done. I am NOT expecting him to keep up with all this. Now with my job now- I work more than 40 hours a week easily, and the last thing I want to do is come home and clean a house. I HATE CLEANING. No you don't understand. I LOATHE IT.

So I have this brilliant idea of instead of floundering our money on senseless things like eating out so much, let's pay for the maid service at least monthly, maybe bi weekly. He say's no. It's times like this why I wonder why he wants me to go into pre-term labor over something so silly. He says to me "I will just have to learn to do it myself".

The key things wrong this statement: 'do it myself' and 'will just have to'. This breaks down in my mind as I can take care of it, no matter how hard and difficult it is, this is my manly statement I must say to prove myself. Now of course the non pregnant me would start running around and cleaning the house and breaking my back to make him feel guilty about it, but the pregnant me is just going to blog about it.

I'm too tired and almost 8 months into my pregnancy. Honestly- if he wants to be this difficult about it. So be it- It is known, that I'm working hard at my job, and most days I don't get home until 6:30-7. I clock in 10-12 hours a day and the LAST thing I'm concerned about is dusting. Sorry. Not going to happen during the week. Well the weekend- it may happen then- but don't count on it every weekend, Saturday is my only day free. I like to roll around in bed and eat food while watching SUV- NOT dusting and vacuuming.

Anywho my solution: I'm not going to say anything else. I'm going to clean when I'm able to. And I'm not going to complain about the house (I never do.) Now if he says the house is 'unclean'- and I don't want to deal with it, I'm not! I won't argue- I'll just listen and then go about my business!

Well that felt good...Ciao.

Dear Mr. Carter

Hello my little growing bean of a baby. I can't believe we are 28 weeks! I can't believe your really going to happen in like...a few months!! Wow, your going to be here...living and breathing..and pooping and peeing...and walking and talking...and driving and graduating...*sigh and tear*

I just can't believe how far we've come. You have changed my life around so much already. I spend most of my day thinking about you. Wondering things that are probably ridiculous, like if your bored in there, if your cramped, if you have enough to eat or craving something. You are always moving, but whenever I try to catch it on video you stop. And that's just mean.

I can now tell your head and booty versus your hands and feet now. You only kick me on the sides, so I know your cramped a bit already (sorry), and your tickle me with your fingers. And you are always switching your booty from side to side-- I like to think your dancing. Sometimes you stretch and it feels like my belly is going to rip apart! You finally made my belly button pop out (thanks--now everyone is going to be pointing it out) I thought we made a good deal about me putting lotion on my belly and rubbing you, then you wouldn't make my belly button stick out. You didn't hold out your side of the deal.

Some of things you make me eat often lately:

• Kool aid- Not sure if it's because you naturally are part black so you will like this??
• Lemonade- The tartness is really good to me
• Baked potato- You really like it with cheese and sour cream all over it...
• Salt and Vinegar chips- This is an oldie but goodie
• Tuna subs- I still eat these once a week! 
• Jalopenos- Suddenly I'm back to wanting really hot things...even though it give me pretty bad heartburn...
• Fruit Loops (with marshmallows)-  I eat this every morning, as you ask for it.

Some of things you make me feel lately:

• My back hurts- All the time. 
• Sleepy- I try my best to get my work done at home, but by the time I get in the door I'm yawning. And no matter how much I sleep when I get to work in the morning, I'm still not awake. 
• Heartburn- Especially after fried foods and hot stuff...you make me eat it, but you give me a hard time afterwards! I do pretty good at taking my Zantac daily and also drink some milk (which I still adore, especially at night before bed...ahhh can't wait to get a glass tonight)

We took you back home (in utero, of course) to meet your family and friends at your baby shower. You were very excited, I guess since I was excited and you were feeding off my energy. You were moving around the whole time and kicking me in all sorts of uncomfortable places. Well, we got lots of gifts for you and you are very loved already.  Everyone was so suprised to see that I wasn't 100 pounds heavier or something. The doctor told me I had gained 20 pounds so far! Your making my tummy quite big, but I don't want to complain! I love seeing how my body is changing and unselfishly contouring itself and providing you with everything you need! I'm not even thinking about it, my body just does it! AMAZING!

Here is a nice picture of your 'parents'. Still feels wierd to say this. But you can keep this forever. Show your friends, they aren't gonna believe how hot we were back then! I really think your gonna have my nose but look like your dad. His genes are really strong!

I can't wait to meet you sir! We still have to organize your room and finish it, and then get our maternity pictures AND take our classes! Then it's time for you, I'm ready whenever you are Adrian. You wanna come earliar, that's fine with me! My job is going to be walking every friday a few miles so that should help you get ready to come out!

Your dad, man your gonna love him to death. He's such a great person. He's been reading about you now, and he loves to touch you and rub you. You know his touch now, and you ripple under his hand and bop along his arm if he's laying near you. He's very excited to meet you, and I think he's amazed that he made you.

I am too, I feel like we really know each other. We share a body, but we really know eachother! Every morning when I wake up, I go to feel for you. It seems like you wake up to, and start stretching. I love it! This last second trimester and third trimester seem to be really good for us. Doctor says we are very healthy, incredibly low risk and right on target. I just thank God we are so blessed. So keep growing little man, I know things will get cramped now, but you have to keep growing and getting stronger! I'll be seeing you soon...

Crap.

So...here I am...about to start into my 28th week. Which means, I'm claiming it. I'm entering the third and last trimester. Ugh. So this means this baby is coming for real, right? Like in June, it's gonna come sliding out [somehow...still unknown how it expects to exit]. How do I feel you say? Really really...UNPREPARED! We have put off pretty much everything for the third trimester...and now that it's here, well it's time to get busy.

The rest of March is busy for us so we are only going to try and take down the guest room furniture to make room for babies new stuff! I'm excited to do that, but honestly I think hubby is not. I'm gonna use my psych graduate degree here and say that I really believe he's dreading doing the baby's room. Now, I have asked him this and he has denied it, but honestly- between me and you [the rest of the world] I think by starting the baby's room it makes things more real. You know what I mean? Like crap. I have to really do this, have a baby, and begin this journey...like for real. Or that maybe having the room done in the next few weeks scares him because the baby isn't guaranteed to get here safely? I don't know, I sort of feel that way, but I am wayyy more excited about doing the baby's room!

Anywho in April we will start painting the baby room. And hopefully if we are blessed to get majority of the major furniture we need we can finish it up by May. That's the goal! I have so many cute things picked out for monkey, I'll have to post pictures here when I finish!

In April we also have our maternity pictures, which is exciting. I'm doing a motherly/glam look. I got this idea from Heidi Klum's maternity pictures.

I like how they play on color, the contrast of dark, glam, and sexy. And then how they use the soft bright light, and flowy look to make her seem more 'motherly'. I love it! I've already purchased some clothes I think would look fabulous for mines such as:

 These 2 pieces from Forever 21. The dress color is really pretty against my skintone [a deep red] and because I'm only 5'2, it's longer on and more fitting on me than this 6'9 model. I also looked at this pretty lace see through top which is really flowy and heavenly looking. I didn't purchase the top because I wanted to make sure I could still fit it in 2 weeks! I also wanted to do some casual looks like the typical jeans and white top, and stuff. It's all exciting though!

The only thing is what to do with my hair?? I think I will roller set it, and then when I do the dramatic look, I can wear a updo and take it down for the motherly ones. I'm getting my make up done [yes it's that serious!] by MAC. I love them! Plus they made me look great all during my wedding.

Then in April we are taking all of our baby classes, baby ish 101, how to breastfeed, daddy and baby, etc. I'm excited because that just means it's almost time!! Lastly we just want to have the baby's room, our classes, pictures, and baby/labor bag packed by the first week in May. I'll be full term towards the end of May, so that's our timeline.

It's all so exciting and so scary at the same time. I'm worried about alot of things like taking care of a baby, and going back to work so soon after the baby is born [6 weeks] which is a whole nother post in itself. But for now I'm gonna go and eat some pizza from last night, and watch my baby dance around in my belly [I probably spend a lot of time during the day just watching my stomach move] :)

Ciao.