To relax or not to relax...

So...since I have been pregnant, I have NOT treated my hair with a relaxer. Actually I have not even taken care of my hair since I've been pregnant. I would say I'm about 19 weeks post in my relaxer. This means, that I haven't had a relaxer (chemical straightner) for 19 weeks. On average most African Americans who relax get one between 4-6 weeks. Some less, some more. My hair has never been this long without chemical. And it shows. I recently took down a sew in I had last month, and having to talk to my hair again was a challenge! Such a challenge, that I debated about getting a relaxer again, and just going back to the way things were (my hair was actually the best health and length before I got pregnant). OR...since we are broke anyway just to continue with the transitioning from relaxed to natural hair.

My husband supports my natural journey, surpsingly. Although he, at first has unrealistic expectations of what real 'natural' hair looks like for many african americans. I showed him a cluster of photos of what he'd like my natural hair to look like...he chose this:

Now, this is really cute, and if my natural hair was this loose and wavy I'd be sooo on he gravy train for natural hair. But I told him the reality is if I'm lucky and learn how to style my natural hair...it would look like this:

He said that was fine too, as long as it wasn't an afro like this:

 

This make me laugh, cause he doesn't realize that most afro's are just blown out hair of the above ladies. 

Anywho, so this is my debate...right now, I made the big mistake of blow drying my hair...because it's just huge and non-manageable. I can't even get a comb through my new growth (which is the new growth of my hair that isn't chemically relaxed). And dealing with the two different textures is beyond frustrating. But I guess I'll keep trucking,  maybe getting some braids or something in the mean time. I'm also wondering at what point will I do the "Big Chop" if I choose to. The big chop is basically a term that women who are transitioning decide once they have enough new growth, they permanently cut off their previous relaxed hair. This is usually how this looks:

This...is not something I am mentally prepared to do yet. When women "BC" it's an empowering mental strength required! This is because you are taking down your coat of who you are or what you hide behind, or what has been your identity for years...and showing the real 'you'. It's scary and I'm not quite ready yet. I still think about what people will think of me, will they laugh? I still worry about what my hubby will really think, will he find me unattractive? And I very much get scared of how I will think of myself, will I regret it?

I'm just not ready. But I know I'm ready to transition to natural, and continue this crazy journey...lesson #1...don't blow dry your hair.

Ciao.