Balancing Act

Can I balance two blogs at once? I'm not sure. I guess we will find out. I'm trying to find more time to write in these things more. I remember back in xanga days I would write entry's often, at least 2 or 3x a week. I'd imagine that since my life was less hectic in college with less responsibility, that would be the culprit.

The magic balancing act continues between mommy, wife and worker. I'm constantly trying to share myself, spread myself, interchange my hats. It gets so hard though. And I find that most of my evenings, I don't want to do anything. Not wash dishes, type notes, or even watch tv. I just want to spend time with my son. Time with my husband. And time with myself.

I have really tried to regain time with myself. Now that Adrian is one, I think it's become easier. He's in bed by 8 pm every night which gives me time to clean up whatever area needs the most attention, prepare for tomorrow, and spend time with God.

I really think that I need to give up doing work in the evenings. My job is so demanding it requires extra time out of work to stay current. But I haven't done any work related things in the evenings for the last two weeks and I think I like it better. It just means I have to be more disciplined during the day or at the office to get my things done. As far as cleaning, we created a cool cleaning list a few months ago. It breaks down daily tasks from sunday to sunday. We started strong with it, but alas, it has already been forgotten.

I know we have to do better with keep our home cleaner. It seems with a one year old it's almost impossible. However, we need to do better. I think I'm going to try that 10 minute tidy trick. I hear it can be very successful. You just spend ten minutes at the end of the day cleaning. That's it. Nothing more and nothing less.

It also doesn't help that I just spent like 10 minutes writing this blog. Eh...progress?

Ciao.

Why is it so hard?

For me to blog? I look back at some of my Xanga blogs. I was the blogging queen. I love to reread my crazy college stories and my ups and downs with my then boyfriend (no hubby). I love seeing how things turned out and reflecting about my life (narcissistic, right?). Today I was reading another blogger's pregnancy blog...which of course in turn, caused me to reread my own pregnancy journals. I smiled as I remembered some of those same feelings/thoughts during my pregnancy that I'm reliving as I read hers. It makes me realize...I miss blogging. I miss expressing myself and journaling my journey.

My life is so different now. Not in a bad way either, just different then what I imagined it to be. I'm sure many people feel that way. You plan and work to getting to one point, and then sometimes you end up in a different area. But you like it. And the more you learn about yourself and the new place your in, the more you begin understanding yourself and what your real priorities are.

For instance all through high school and college. I wanted to be a super business woman. I wanted to have my own business and work ridiculous ungodly hours and make big bucks. I did not want a family. I have a really strong work ethic (both my husband and I do) and I strive for great work results, even if it kills me. Having a family just didn't fit into that way of life. But low and behold. I had decided with an overwhelming sensation that I wanted to start a baby. I fought it for a while, then gave in to it. Then my husband fought it for awhile, then fought me for a while. Then we both jumped. My--how has my life changed. I'm much happier as a mother. I can't wait to do it again! I love being a parent and a wife. I receive more pleasure in balancing a rewarding career (still working on that...) and life at home.

I know this is alot to swallow, and you could be thinking, dang this is way to deep for your first blog in months. Or you may be wondering, what are you talking about?? Eh. Bottom line. I need to blog more.

Ciao.

But God do I have to??

I had a revelation during my LPC supervision last night of what God may be telling me to do career-wise. It's an idea that literally other people have talked to me about and no matter what I cannot get away from the idea. I mean I really REALLY thought this idea...was not me. But since I've realized that...this may be what God wants me to do, I've been trying to be more obedient and start taking steps to pursue this new idea. It's just so crazy when God tells you to do something...and you really question it, especially if it's something you don't want to do.

But how will I know whether this new idea is God's will or my desire?? This was my question today. I asked my manager at work whose husband is a preacher, my step-mother and my pastora at church. Here is some of the information I recieved:

• A confirmation will be made, in more than one way.
• The thought/idea will be reoccuring.
• You will have a peace about the new idea.
• Things will fall into place and God will provide other desires.
• You can do a fast to ask God to reveal more to you.

All of these things are what I've been told about this particular thought. I've decided that I'm going to take this new idea slowly. So before I jump out of the window, like I'd typically do....I'm going to take it slow. Gather information about this idea. Get educated about this idea. Talk to experienced other's. And lastly pray and ask God to reveal more.

So excited.

Such a long hiatus...

Omg this has got to be longest hiatus in the history of ignorantly long hiatuses!! To be honest I was led back to blogging because a friend from high school was asking advice on breastfeeding her newborn. I decided I would go back to this blog and reread my entries of my birthing story and life after Adrian. I became so enthralled in rereading my entries that when I got to the month of October with no more entries I got upset!! How could I leave my loyal readers? Ugh, I tell you, it's because of my short attention span.

Well here is the fast and dirty on me. I still work at my current job. I really like it and I'm pretty good at it. I also took the NCE exam in April and passed!! Woohoo! I'm a licensed counselor in the state of SC! I feel that now that I've taken this test, God is leading me to my next venture. I'm really trying to figure that out too. I also decided to utilize my job's EAP services so I go to counseling now. I'm not crazy or anything (not that people who do go to counseling are) but I do want to talk to someone about the stressors of my job, trying to balance work and home, and also making vital improvements within me and resolving any lingering issues as well. I want to be fully capable and aware of my personal issues before helping others with theirs.

My life as a mommy. Fabulous! I love  love love love being mommy. Of course now, it's exhausting and it's alot to balance. But Adrian has just not started sleeping through the night and things are really started to balance out. I cannot wait to have a little girl next!! I bother my hubby about it all the time and he tells me "Well let's wait Adrian is 2 to talk about it". I am defineitly not trying to rush him into having this baby like I did the first, but my god, I cannot wait to do this again. And what's really getting me is that I feel like this time around...I'll know more and know better about certain things. I really feel that because it was all so new, there were a lot of things I missed because I was so busy freaking out. But next time I really want to cherish the moments I missed out on with my second. Now of course that could be thrown out the window because my next child might be completey different than my first. I know, I know.

So I have alot to say because I really have been holding it all in for the several months, but now that I'm blogging again....I can let it alllll outttt!!! New to my blog? You may want to catch up or began at the beginning if you really want to know me, with www.xanga.com/niyastarz

No lie my dog just farted so silently and deadly right I don't even know how I'm still conscious. Geez.

You missed me right?

Ciao.