D-Day is looming!!

Yes it is!!! Yesterday, I spoke to my step mom on the phone. She asked 'Now what day in June is the baby due again?' I answered nonchalantly 'June 12th' without even thinking since I get this question just about once a day. And she said calmly 'Oh- 2 months away to the day' and I said 'Hm- quite.'(in my fancy conversation voice)

BUT THEN IN MY MIND I SAID 'GJDSGHJSKHGFJHGJKFHGKLSHGK!!!!!!!!!!!'

Because I realized...I only have 2 month's to get myself mentally prepared (I know I thought I've been doing that too) And this is so awful...but someone please explain to me why we have the room...taped. And that's it. No furniture, no crib, no paint, and not even cleaned! It's just taped up from where my husband taped it to prepare for paint. Our goal was to have the room completed and our bags packed by the end of this month, because technically he could come at the end of next month!

We are finally going to do that today, go buy some furniture at Ikea. I'm excited because I love Ikea and we've done a large part of house in Ikea so we know what to expect.

We've also been going to our classes, we took an all day stick it out, Delivery class last Saturday. This past Tuesday we took a class on caring your new baby after delivery. Both classes were great for both me and hubby! We learned what really to expect and it made us feel for more prepared.

I know people rag on first time parents who do go to all the fun classes before the baby- but honestly between  me and you- I think people who try to tell you 'it won't help' and 'well people have babies do fine without it' and 'waste of time' - I think most of them wanted to go but didn't for various reasons. So I think they try to downplay how helpful they really are to first time parents!

We have one more class, a breastfeeding class on Thursday that I'm really excited about, because I have this insatiable desire to breastfeed!

Besides this- I am 31 weeks going into my 32nd week and baby Carter is getting so big! I'm trying really hard to eat healthy for him (or make healthier choices) for him. And my boss is making me walk every Friday (which is good for me too). I have such an active lifestyle- I just know baby Carter will be here before I know it! And my life will forever change...and I'm not sure how I feel about that! I need to seriously get it together! Everything!!

Ciao

The frustration of marriage part I

Typically- I never write anything that is potentially harmful to others or people I love around me. But oh well- because this is my blog and I can use to cope and vent with whatever I want. I used to write every single little thing in my Xanga blog. I had several posts a week, following whatever I was going through. And for some reason, I got to Blogger and became 'uppity' about the whole blogging expeierence. Only blogging material that would gaurantee postive views. But life isn't always positive! And I digress--

The frustration of marriage. My lucky duck husband (or am I just the unlucky person) went on a cruise as a videographer for a friend's wedding. I don't know if it's the tiredness in the fun and work that he's high strung on, or what. But all I know is that he's got this attitude. And it's making me very irritable! Now I'm aware because of 'situation' (and my situation I mean pregnancy) that I'm going to be blowing up most things to the Nth degree. But we've gotten into some pretty silly arguments because we can't agree on something. And even when I volunteer to have a solution or compromise, I just feel like he's defiant into listening into anything I'm gonna say.

For instance- my husband will be working from home. This is good because when the baby comes home, we may not have to shell out bucks for daycare or nanny (only on those occasions where he must be out). And I told my neat-freak husband (who recieves his carnal hunger for dusting every day from his latino genes) that he simply won't have time to keep this house spic and span as he likes. He tells me "Yes, I can." Now anyone who has a newborn knows keenly that its hard enough keeping up with a newborn, on top working daily, going to school, and keeping the house clean and laundry done. I am NOT expecting him to keep up with all this. Now with my job now- I work more than 40 hours a week easily, and the last thing I want to do is come home and clean a house. I HATE CLEANING. No you don't understand. I LOATHE IT.

So I have this brilliant idea of instead of floundering our money on senseless things like eating out so much, let's pay for the maid service at least monthly, maybe bi weekly. He say's no. It's times like this why I wonder why he wants me to go into pre-term labor over something so silly. He says to me "I will just have to learn to do it myself".

The key things wrong this statement: 'do it myself' and 'will just have to'. This breaks down in my mind as I can take care of it, no matter how hard and difficult it is, this is my manly statement I must say to prove myself. Now of course the non pregnant me would start running around and cleaning the house and breaking my back to make him feel guilty about it, but the pregnant me is just going to blog about it.

I'm too tired and almost 8 months into my pregnancy. Honestly- if he wants to be this difficult about it. So be it- It is known, that I'm working hard at my job, and most days I don't get home until 6:30-7. I clock in 10-12 hours a day and the LAST thing I'm concerned about is dusting. Sorry. Not going to happen during the week. Well the weekend- it may happen then- but don't count on it every weekend, Saturday is my only day free. I like to roll around in bed and eat food while watching SUV- NOT dusting and vacuuming.

Anywho my solution: I'm not going to say anything else. I'm going to clean when I'm able to. And I'm not going to complain about the house (I never do.) Now if he says the house is 'unclean'- and I don't want to deal with it, I'm not! I won't argue- I'll just listen and then go about my business!

Well that felt good...Ciao.

Dear Mr. Carter

Hello my little growing bean of a baby. I can't believe we are 28 weeks! I can't believe your really going to happen in like...a few months!! Wow, your going to be here...living and breathing..and pooping and peeing...and walking and talking...and driving and graduating...*sigh and tear*

I just can't believe how far we've come. You have changed my life around so much already. I spend most of my day thinking about you. Wondering things that are probably ridiculous, like if your bored in there, if your cramped, if you have enough to eat or craving something. You are always moving, but whenever I try to catch it on video you stop. And that's just mean.

I can now tell your head and booty versus your hands and feet now. You only kick me on the sides, so I know your cramped a bit already (sorry), and your tickle me with your fingers. And you are always switching your booty from side to side-- I like to think your dancing. Sometimes you stretch and it feels like my belly is going to rip apart! You finally made my belly button pop out (thanks--now everyone is going to be pointing it out) I thought we made a good deal about me putting lotion on my belly and rubbing you, then you wouldn't make my belly button stick out. You didn't hold out your side of the deal.

Some of things you make me eat often lately:

• Kool aid- Not sure if it's because you naturally are part black so you will like this??
• Lemonade- The tartness is really good to me
• Baked potato- You really like it with cheese and sour cream all over it...
• Salt and Vinegar chips- This is an oldie but goodie
• Tuna subs- I still eat these once a week! 
• Jalopenos- Suddenly I'm back to wanting really hot things...even though it give me pretty bad heartburn...
• Fruit Loops (with marshmallows)-  I eat this every morning, as you ask for it.

Some of things you make me feel lately:

• My back hurts- All the time. 
• Sleepy- I try my best to get my work done at home, but by the time I get in the door I'm yawning. And no matter how much I sleep when I get to work in the morning, I'm still not awake. 
• Heartburn- Especially after fried foods and hot stuff...you make me eat it, but you give me a hard time afterwards! I do pretty good at taking my Zantac daily and also drink some milk (which I still adore, especially at night before bed...ahhh can't wait to get a glass tonight)

We took you back home (in utero, of course) to meet your family and friends at your baby shower. You were very excited, I guess since I was excited and you were feeding off my energy. You were moving around the whole time and kicking me in all sorts of uncomfortable places. Well, we got lots of gifts for you and you are very loved already.  Everyone was so suprised to see that I wasn't 100 pounds heavier or something. The doctor told me I had gained 20 pounds so far! Your making my tummy quite big, but I don't want to complain! I love seeing how my body is changing and unselfishly contouring itself and providing you with everything you need! I'm not even thinking about it, my body just does it! AMAZING!

Here is a nice picture of your 'parents'. Still feels wierd to say this. But you can keep this forever. Show your friends, they aren't gonna believe how hot we were back then! I really think your gonna have my nose but look like your dad. His genes are really strong!

I can't wait to meet you sir! We still have to organize your room and finish it, and then get our maternity pictures AND take our classes! Then it's time for you, I'm ready whenever you are Adrian. You wanna come earliar, that's fine with me! My job is going to be walking every friday a few miles so that should help you get ready to come out!

Your dad, man your gonna love him to death. He's such a great person. He's been reading about you now, and he loves to touch you and rub you. You know his touch now, and you ripple under his hand and bop along his arm if he's laying near you. He's very excited to meet you, and I think he's amazed that he made you.

I am too, I feel like we really know each other. We share a body, but we really know eachother! Every morning when I wake up, I go to feel for you. It seems like you wake up to, and start stretching. I love it! This last second trimester and third trimester seem to be really good for us. Doctor says we are very healthy, incredibly low risk and right on target. I just thank God we are so blessed. So keep growing little man, I know things will get cramped now, but you have to keep growing and getting stronger! I'll be seeing you soon...

Crap.

So...here I am...about to start into my 28th week. Which means, I'm claiming it. I'm entering the third and last trimester. Ugh. So this means this baby is coming for real, right? Like in June, it's gonna come sliding out [somehow...still unknown how it expects to exit]. How do I feel you say? Really really...UNPREPARED! We have put off pretty much everything for the third trimester...and now that it's here, well it's time to get busy.

The rest of March is busy for us so we are only going to try and take down the guest room furniture to make room for babies new stuff! I'm excited to do that, but honestly I think hubby is not. I'm gonna use my psych graduate degree here and say that I really believe he's dreading doing the baby's room. Now, I have asked him this and he has denied it, but honestly- between me and you [the rest of the world] I think by starting the baby's room it makes things more real. You know what I mean? Like crap. I have to really do this, have a baby, and begin this journey...like for real. Or that maybe having the room done in the next few weeks scares him because the baby isn't guaranteed to get here safely? I don't know, I sort of feel that way, but I am wayyy more excited about doing the baby's room!

Anywho in April we will start painting the baby room. And hopefully if we are blessed to get majority of the major furniture we need we can finish it up by May. That's the goal! I have so many cute things picked out for monkey, I'll have to post pictures here when I finish!

In April we also have our maternity pictures, which is exciting. I'm doing a motherly/glam look. I got this idea from Heidi Klum's maternity pictures.

I like how they play on color, the contrast of dark, glam, and sexy. And then how they use the soft bright light, and flowy look to make her seem more 'motherly'. I love it! I've already purchased some clothes I think would look fabulous for mines such as:

 These 2 pieces from Forever 21. The dress color is really pretty against my skintone [a deep red] and because I'm only 5'2, it's longer on and more fitting on me than this 6'9 model. I also looked at this pretty lace see through top which is really flowy and heavenly looking. I didn't purchase the top because I wanted to make sure I could still fit it in 2 weeks! I also wanted to do some casual looks like the typical jeans and white top, and stuff. It's all exciting though!

The only thing is what to do with my hair?? I think I will roller set it, and then when I do the dramatic look, I can wear a updo and take it down for the motherly ones. I'm getting my make up done [yes it's that serious!] by MAC. I love them! Plus they made me look great all during my wedding.

Then in April we are taking all of our baby classes, baby ish 101, how to breastfeed, daddy and baby, etc. I'm excited because that just means it's almost time!! Lastly we just want to have the baby's room, our classes, pictures, and baby/labor bag packed by the first week in May. I'll be full term towards the end of May, so that's our timeline.

It's all so exciting and so scary at the same time. I'm worried about alot of things like taking care of a baby, and going back to work so soon after the baby is born [6 weeks] which is a whole nother post in itself. But for now I'm gonna go and eat some pizza from last night, and watch my baby dance around in my belly [I probably spend a lot of time during the day just watching my stomach move] :)

Ciao.

Crazy Cravings!

Ok, I've had people ask me about what I was craving since...the peed dried on the stick. And during my entire first trimester people asked, but I could only respond with a sarcastic or montone "When I'm not throwing up...I just don't want to eat." Because I felt awful that second half the of first trimester. BUT NOW! Now...is a different story!

Here are some of things I have been adamant on eating, asked my husband to get me, killed myself to get them at any means--

• Tuna subs from subway
• Sonic chili dog with onions, mustard and cheese
• Pickles spears
• Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Fruit Loops
• Ice cream/ milk
• Taco Bell
• TGIF Buffalo mozzarella sticks
• Drinks. Just about any fruit punch drink, and ignorantly super sized.

I mean I have been eating so much food I can't believe I'm not a size 18 and that I don't have severe diabetes yet. I try not to eat so much, or try to eat more healthy. But let's face it. I tried to 'snack' on a box of raisins or handful of trail mix. That does ABSOLUTELY nothing.  If anything it just makes me angrier and want to drive to Sonics and get a 44 size strawberry limeade!

If anything though, pregnancy is overall treating me much better. I really enjoy watching little monkey dance in my belly. He's so smart that he will move where ever I put my hand. He follows it. Amazing. I know everyone thinks their child is the smartest, and I have already given the title to my child in utero. I love seeing my belly button move around like it's talking, it makes me laugh. I tell him to knock it off, so goofy like his dad.


Things I'm not liking now....

• Back and groin pain 
• Easily indigested 
• Face acne that reminds of me of being 13 all over again!

But other than that, I have been just dandy. And belly is growing so beautifully! It is stretch mark free so far and perfectly round!  My belly button has popped and it's just completely flat now. Speaking of belly button, my husband is laughing because the baby is once again making my baby belly button talk...ahh.

Ciao.

My First Pregnancy Crack Up...VALENTINES DAY GIVE AWAY!!

So it happened. I cracked.

Everyone told me it would. And I told them

"My hormones do not control my emotions! I do!."
"I'm a therapist, I can control my stressful environment."
"Blah, blah, blah"

Well we went out of town last weekend, and in anticipation of visiting Dallas, Texas I made a little itinerary for myself! On Friday, I was going to get up early and fax some important information back home, then head to the Forever 21 (that TOTALLY carries their new maternity line!). We were then going to end the glorious day by all getting together and eating CRAB LEGS!!! I was ecstatic about it.

This is what really happened.

I didn't get the stuff faxed, the forever 21 had ONE pair of pants and we didn't get ANY CRAB LEGS!!! WTF! I was irate. I was mad at the world, and unfortunately for my hubby, he was caught up in the wrath. I just kept going on and on about how if my hubby would have been there from the start of my bad day, things would have been better. In my mind logically, had he went along cheerfully with me to do earliar errands, the fax machine would have worked, forever 21 would have had a slew of maternity clothes to choose from, and the crab legs could have been enjoyed.

My hubby purely confused and frustrated just sits in silence. This makes me even angrier. How dare he sit there in silence as I chew him a new one. He makes a small comment and I just blew my lid, I shouted at him:

"You know this is all because my stupid socks don't fit!" 

"What??" 

His face is frozen in horror as now he realizes he doesn't know what is going on.

"My socks...the ones with the red hearts...my toes made holes in them!"

"Babe, we can buy you some new socks..."

He says chuckling in fear.

"I'LL NEVER HAVE PRETTY SOCKS NOW!!!"

I scream. Tears engulfing my face.

Knowing how ridiculous I sound I cry even harder and then tell my silently watching husband

"SHUT UP!!!!"

I look at his face...and he has the most horrific face ever!! He's in between pure grippling fear...and wanting to laugh so hard. His eyes wide open (which is crazy because his eyes barely open!) and his mouth in an 'O' shape...not sure what to do next.

The next few minutes are silent. Then finally we both end up laughing hard. I knew I sounded like I just escaped from a mental facility.

Needless to say...we stopped at Wal mart and he bought me some 'pretty socks' and then we drove home. Vowing to NOT say anything about that dreaded night until now...


ON TO THE GIVE AWAY!!

My wonderful hubby (I can't believe I'm still married!) is having a contest on facebook for his fan page. No need to be friends to participate, just click the link below to his fan page!

He is giving away a $20.00 gift-card to the restaurant of your choice, to be mailed out by Valentines Day. All you need to do is A.) Become of fan of the page (hit the like it button!) and then suggest your friends to page. When they become fans (like it) have them post on the wall that you referred them! The person with the most referrals by next Wednesday wins!! SIMPLE!! 


Here is the link and more instructions!

J Cal Media Facebook Fan Page


3 Steps: 

Step 1: Like it if you haven't already!

Step 2: Suggest to your friends or share the link on your page!
 

Step 3: Make sure your new referrals post on the wall that you referred them!! And get ready to pick your gift-card!!

So get going, it's a recession and plenty of people should want a free and easy gift-card towards valentines day dinner! Here is the link again:

J Cal Media Facebook Fan Page


Have any questions? Leave them below, and thanks for your support! 

Dear Monkey

This is our first written interaction! I feel like since I've been talking and feeling you so much I should also write you. This way we can keep this forever, and when your old enough, we can all look back on this.

First of all, even though you were planned, I was not ready for the crazy wild ride of emotions and feelings that would come along with you. I was so eager and happy to have you for the first few weeks, and then once morning sickness hit I was not as excited because I couldn't take my mind of the 24/7 nausea you made me have. That's ok, because I will pay you back so bad, you wait until your dad starts singing, freestyling and dressing you. You will be so mad.

Any who, now that I'm going in my 19th week (yay!!) things have been more exciting for me and I'm getting so eager to meet you! My belly is growing big so you must be growing too, and I feel you move every day (your moving A LOT right now!!). Yesterday you kicked me hard while watching a movie. You probably didn't like it, I didn't either.

We recently found out you were a boy! We had an elective ultrasound at a near by ultrasound clinic. It was truly breath taking. You have grown from the last ultrasound at 11 weeks and you were moving sooo much!! Your dad and I couldn't believe how much you were climbing, kicking, and being a contortionist. (I have the video, and pretty much watch you every day!!) Not only that, but when we announced you were a boy, your dad just sort of stared at the screen with his mouth open in awe. I think it finally hit him...that you were made from him! I wish I could have a picture to show you Monkey, but it made me tear me up.

The ultrasound was worth every penny, we learned so much about you, like-

• You have my limbs! Your arms, legs and fingers are very long! Your toes are even really long like mines!! Like REALLY LONG! You shocked the ultrasound tech, but that's ok I still shock people with my big feet. At least your a boy, it's ok.

• You got the good stuff from both of us! You appear to have your dad's nose and his lips. But you have my wide and bright eyes. That's good because your dad has very tiny eyes, hehehe!

• That your a boy!! This shocked me, cause Monkey, I thought you were a girl. And I was totally mentally prepared for a girl. A boy?? I don't even know where to start, I guess I can get you some 'boy' stuff. This means we won't be able to play barbies and I'll have to buy creepy crawlers and tonka trucks. :-(

Anywho, I am ALWAYS thinking about you now. What your doing in there, how your feeling, in all our ultrasounds your always smiling or laughing. I think your gonna be a goofball like your dad and I. We clown ALL the time. I can't wait until you meet us, and constantly wonder who you are going to be more like!! Your mom is a therapist and your dad is a graphic designer so hopefully you'll be very creative and caring.

I just can't wait to meet you lil monkey, I am so completely in love with you and I haven't even met you yet. How is this possible? Your dad is in love with you too, he likes to rub you and talk to you about which rappers you should not listen to, and about important experiences in life you'll share together like drinking beer. That's your dad!

Please keep growing and getting stronger.

We have ALOT of people waiting to meet you once you come out! (I just think you were highly anticipated!)

Love--
Your mommy and....

A dream about boobs

I had a wonderful dream. Hubby and I had the baby! We had brought it home and were starting our lives with our new addition. It all seemed so real. The baby was a boy and he looked very similar to our nephew. He was a bit fair skinned but he was super cute. When I came home immediately I tried to breastfeed it. Breast feeding is something I really really really want to do. I want to feel that bond and closeness (and pain) with my child in knowing that I am naturally equipped to provide my baby with food! That's got to be an awesome feeling.

Anywho, in the dream I came home and started breastfeeding, I was sooo scared because the pain and all the 'what ifs' but to my surprise the baby easily latched on and everything was amazing. So since I'm sure I dreamed about breastfeeding because of anxiety and excitement, I want to know what the Dream Dictionary states about it.

Breastfeeding

To dream that you are breast feeding, symbolizes tenderness, love, nuturance, and motherly love. Good things will be at your grasp

:) just :)

I'm off to church pretty soon. Happy Sunday Blogger.
Ciao.

My 2011 Resolutions (a blogging tradition)

Hope everyone had a fantabulous (what the??) Christmas!!

BUT first I want to mention that I am ON MY WAY 17 WEEKS!!  And guess what? I totally feel pregnant. And look pregnant for the most part. Which is a plus :) I can't believe that I feel the baby move this early too! I can only feel it from the inside (what they call quickening), and not hubby yet. But monkey moves a lot during the day and night, it feels like thumping, slivering and sometimes just bopping along, it's crazy! Sometimes monkey thinks it's a good day to crowd one corner my lower abdomen and it hurts, when I give it pudge, it feels really hard but then monkey moves away and it goes back normal.



Now onto the resolutions...


Well since I'm new to blogger since...about 6 months ago (still newbie status?!) Back on Xanga I had a tradition of every single year posting my previous years resolutions and reflecting on them, and then posting my new years resolutions for the incoming year. I've been doing this since...forever. And the tradition continues again...

Here is 2010's resolutions:
My 2010 Resolutions written on December 17, 2009

Continue my growth with God:
I think this year, God has tested me a little bit, especially in my faith, but I think each time I have preserved and continue to love him and praise him. When we get back home we are finally going to start going to churches, so HOPEFULLY, we can get to a church at least once this year!! Actually I KNOW we will attend at least once this year, it would be ultimately great to find a home church and have a church we enjoy being a part of.

Guess what?? We totally found a home church this year and officially joined in the early fall. I feel that both my relationship and growth with God has been tremendous this year, and although I don't feel I'm where I should be ideally, I feel I have definitely completed this resolution!

Stay in shape:
Although, I have put a good 5-10 pds this year, everyone swears it's a healthy looking thickness for me, and since I've stopped my BC I haven't really lost much of it so I'm thinking it's here to stay. I just want to get in shape though, lose what little belly fat I have, and also feel energized and eat healthy. With my hectic schedule coming up this year, I'll need to def. have the strength to not lose my mind and/or get obese!!

I had put some weight during 2010, I was the biggest I've ever been, 125 pds.I know that's not a lot to most people, but I've always struggled with keeping weight on for years so it was nice to be up to 125(I usually stayed at 105-110)! Hubby and I did P90X in the spring and that helped us out a ton. And now that I'm pregnant....it doesn't matter :)


Travel a bit:
I def. want year 2010 to be a great exp for traveling different places, if God willing, go to Vegas, Mexico, Texas, a cruise, and skiing/staying in a cabin!! That's a lot of things, but I plan on being active this year...because who knows what 2011 may bring!

This year we went to Vegas, Mexico, Texas (twice!!), Florida, back to Ohio, and that was enough for one year!! I had so much fun this year! I still want to go on a cruise and stay in a cabin but it might not happen this year.


Finish school finally!:
Finally, finish my internship as non complicated as possible, if all goes well, I will finish either in Fall quarter or in Winter quarter either way I SHOULD graduate before 2011! So I'm looking forward to doing well in my intern, although I'm nervous about it...It should be a good experiences regardless.

Well I finished!! I graduted September 11, 2010!! Hallelujah! My experience in internship was sooo amazing,even with some of the trials I went through.

Joshua and Me:
We have done so good together and I feel like marriage is great so far and that I find new reasons to fall in love with him all over again. I'm so blessed to be married to someone who loves me for who I am and supports me for anything. I'm just so happy with him and I only see better things coming from us together....including...HAVING A BABY! Since I've been so baby on the brain for almost a year and half now, I think we sort of know it's going to happen sooner than we think. Most likely trying towards the end of next year...so we'll see!! I'm super excited! Such great new experiences!

Well obviously...the main goal here was achieved :)


My 2011 Resolutions 
These are going to short and sweet this year  (This is the shortest list I've ever had!!)

Maintain steady relationship with God: 
I hate that sometimes I can be super faithful and reading my bible at the crack of dawn every morning, listening to Joyce Meyer radio to and from work, and just being holy all day long! And then the other times, I barely remember to pray once a day to thank God for my blessings. I have learned over the years that my personality tends to go from one end of the spectrum to the other. I decide I'm going to read 100 books, start on first 3 and decide I want to take Art Classes. I'm just a mess. And this story is unrelated, I digress.  Basically I need to learn this year how to maintain a STEADY relationship with God.


Balance being a mother and wife:
The last few months just being pregnant has really overshadowed my identity and role with my husband and everyone else around me. Everything is BABY, BABY, BABY.On my facebook it's all baby status and baby updates. I can't help it, I'm very excited and looking forward to everything in my new phase of life. But I do know I've also been neglecting Josh as a husband (let's keep it G-Rated people :) because all I want to talk about is baby stuff and not about us anymore. I think it's important for me to learn the balance.


How did you learn to balance wife role and mother role with your first child? And also how when did you feel quickening of your baby? What about a real first kick??

I want to make sure any readers and passerbyers may leave me a comment if you like. I've left the comments open, you can remain anonymous, just let me know your response, HELP ME OUT :)

Happy New Year Folks, and See ya in 2011!
Ciao.

Why I love my Husband Reasons #256-258

Now I know most married women love their husband, and I'm sure that's the case in MOST relationships, but I don't just love my husband for mundane things like: He has yet to leave me because I'm incredibly lazy. But more importantly because of the little random things over the years that have slowly tugged on my heart strings and made me love him even more.

#256: He taught me that peanut butter jelly sandwiches are not made with knifes. 

I KNOW RIGHT!! This will blow your mind. First of all, if your wondering about why I have a dancing banana then google it. Second of all...YES, the knife is not the ideal utensil for peanut butter jelly sandwiches.

When I first started dating my husband (and I mean the first few months) I was over his house and he offered me a snack. So we agree on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and proceed to the kitchen to gather our utensils. We began making it...and I like many taught americans grab the knife. He stops me..."What are you doing?"...I look at him holding a spoon...and bust out laughing. WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!! And he said "Use a spoon, it's so much easier to get out and spread" And of course I tried to fight this logic because EVERYONE IS TAUGHT FIRST YOU GET THE KNIFE, AND YOU SPREAD IT, YOU SPREAD IT (singing the song). No one ever says first you get the spoon?!

Anywho long story short...I realized...that he was right. And I found him so attractive because he was so logically different. And till this day when making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I always grab a spoon and think about it. <3

#257 He predicted our relationship wayyyy before I ever FATHOMED it.

 My husband has this wierd way of predicting things and doing the whole "I told you so" thing later because I never listen. Well before we started dating, we used to chat on AOL Instant Messenger, remember that? I saved our chats (lame) but here is what was said about 7 or 8 years ago.

JCIZZLE1605: im ur friend and im trying to be better friends wit u because i think ur a special person
JCIZZLE1605: like real coo
nIyAsTaRz04: but my personal opionon,
JCIZZLE1605: wuts ur opinion
nIyAsTaRz04: that i dont think it was supposed to happen with us, otherwise it would have
nIyAsTaRz04: but i think we make a great team of friends
JCIZZLE1605: i never say never becuase i think anythings possible
JCIZZLE1605: and everything has a chance
nIyAsTaRz04: i always liked talking to you
nIyAsTaRz04: we always had good talks
JCIZZLE1605: i know!!!!!!!
JCIZZLE1605: u the one watch 32years form now were gonna be married
JCIZZLE1605: watch
JCIZZLE1605: =-O
nIyAsTaRz04: lol
nIyAsTaRz04: that's NEVER gonna happen
nIyAsTaRz04: im going to bed
JCIZZLE1605: damn 

Ok so I was mean to him early on, but he was persistent! And this was when we were still in high school, so we couldn't spell or had LAME screen names. Anywho, so clearly he jedi mind tricked me into dating him soon after that, and then into being his wife and NOW into having his baby!! And I love him for that <3 

#258 He's an innovator. 

I have been telling my husband for years...to do what you love for a career. He's talented beyond words in music, graphics, videos, and pretty much anything he wants to be. But I have always seen his talent and love for those things, and I try to push him to put himself out there and do what his heart really desires. I'm his biggest fan, even though I could do more to show it at times, I have seen him from the first graphic ever...to the video he's making right now about our baby! He's amazing and creative it just makes me sick!! So I decided to post his website in hopes that if anyone wants to see just how talented and completey understand and appreciate reason #258 FULLY, to visit the link below:

CLICK HERE FOOLS!

Happy Holidays and Ciao!!

 

To relax or not to relax...

So...since I have been pregnant, I have NOT treated my hair with a relaxer. Actually I have not even taken care of my hair since I've been pregnant. I would say I'm about 19 weeks post in my relaxer. This means, that I haven't had a relaxer (chemical straightner) for 19 weeks. On average most African Americans who relax get one between 4-6 weeks. Some less, some more. My hair has never been this long without chemical. And it shows. I recently took down a sew in I had last month, and having to talk to my hair again was a challenge! Such a challenge, that I debated about getting a relaxer again, and just going back to the way things were (my hair was actually the best health and length before I got pregnant). OR...since we are broke anyway just to continue with the transitioning from relaxed to natural hair.

My husband supports my natural journey, surpsingly. Although he, at first has unrealistic expectations of what real 'natural' hair looks like for many african americans. I showed him a cluster of photos of what he'd like my natural hair to look like...he chose this:

Now, this is really cute, and if my natural hair was this loose and wavy I'd be sooo on he gravy train for natural hair. But I told him the reality is if I'm lucky and learn how to style my natural hair...it would look like this:

He said that was fine too, as long as it wasn't an afro like this:

 

This make me laugh, cause he doesn't realize that most afro's are just blown out hair of the above ladies. 

Anywho, so this is my debate...right now, I made the big mistake of blow drying my hair...because it's just huge and non-manageable. I can't even get a comb through my new growth (which is the new growth of my hair that isn't chemically relaxed). And dealing with the two different textures is beyond frustrating. But I guess I'll keep trucking,  maybe getting some braids or something in the mean time. I'm also wondering at what point will I do the "Big Chop" if I choose to. The big chop is basically a term that women who are transitioning decide once they have enough new growth, they permanently cut off their previous relaxed hair. This is usually how this looks:

This...is not something I am mentally prepared to do yet. When women "BC" it's an empowering mental strength required! This is because you are taking down your coat of who you are or what you hide behind, or what has been your identity for years...and showing the real 'you'. It's scary and I'm not quite ready yet. I still think about what people will think of me, will they laugh? I still worry about what my hubby will really think, will he find me unattractive? And I very much get scared of how I will think of myself, will I regret it?

I'm just not ready. But I know I'm ready to transition to natural, and continue this crazy journey...lesson #1...don't blow dry your hair.

Ciao.

Hellooo Second Trimester!

I can't believe it. Literally. I can't believe I'm still pregnant at times! Like...in June...this baby will have to come out (somehow...) and then I'll live with her for all my life...and she'll make decisions, go to college, fall in love, and make babies of her own one day. It boggles my mind more and more...

Things have changed...quite drastically. I feel well...different. NO ONE TELLS YOU about some of the craziness that comes with pregnancy. NO ONE!! First of all...without sounding too whiny, I would have liked to known that:

• Suddenly I would get these awful gut wrenching headaches EVERY TIME I stand up for about several seconds. 
• That my body is running shop like it knows what it's doing! My pelvis is so sore, I'm not sure what's going on down there but it hurts and it's so uncomfortable especially at night.
• I would burp and fart like a teenage boy. And ALL THE TIME!

Anyhow--

I'm eating all the time and it's awesome. A little two awesome because I weighed 113 pds about 2 weeks ago, and today I weigh 116. That's about a pound and half per week. And supposedly you gain about 25-35 pounds during pregnancy, but I weighed 125 pre pregnancy and lost weight during the first trimester (about 13 pounds). So I'm not sure if I should be 140 or 150 pounds? The weight I'm gaining now is only in my stomach...which I feel like I'm showing already.

I still haven't purchased anything...but we aren't the position to really buy any unnecessary pregnancy things right now I suppose. If things were different I'm sure I would have blown lots of money on stupid stuff. The one thing I kinda really want is a pregnancy pillow. I have such a hard time getting comfy. Especially since I have hubby on one side (laying crooked, or in the center) then have my cat on side and my dog on the other side...it's too much sometimes.

I think I should buy monkey something...something to make it more real you know? Like a little pair of socks or something? Hehehe, I guess after we find out boy/girl (girl!).

Allright
I'm off now...
Ciao.

Almost 200 Visitors!

I know that's not alot to...well anyone. But that's pure awesomeness to me! It mean almost 200 random (or fav vistors) read my blog, which makes me feel like someone has been sharing my joys and pains :) And this is why I write, and also because it helps me sort out thoughts and feelings, blah blah blah...

I'm halfway through my 12th week of pregnancy, and wow, things have really turned around for the better. My nausea has really stopped, of course I throw up randomly once a week, and I gag maybe once or twice, but hey, I'll take that over dreading to get up every single morning until after 12 pm, eating crackers *gag*.
Anywho, now that my nausea has been lifted, MY APETITE HAS RETURNED....WITH A VEGENANCE! I love to eat, and the last few months have been hard because I've lost all desire to eat real food. But since the middle of last week I've been eating...and eating...and growing...and eating. I totally have a baby belly!

 

Wish I could make this...upside, but the uploader thing here is lame. Anywho, that was beginning of my 11/12th week, I think?  Now I logically thought I would show sooner because I'm so thin. But I read it actually took many thin women longer to show because their babies were often tiny. Well either my baby is huge or I'm just getting overly fat already, because that's big to me! And I thought well maybe its bloat...but my stomach now looks like this first thing in the morning! I dp not blame the bloat, but think my lovely bun in the oven is moving up and out of the pelvic area and since my abdomen is 2 inches smaller then normal people, I suppose things may move a bit more rapidily.

I sometimes still think about miscarriage, but since coming into my 12/13th week, honestly my worst fears are still set aside. I think any other worrying or thinking about it is a natural instinct as "mother". For the most part I talk to my monkey, sing Christmas songs to her, I tickle her and play patty cake...I know...wierd!

And you may have noticed I said 'her', and it's because I think monkey is a girl! EVERYONE else especially on my hubby's side wants it to be a boy, because my hubby is the last carrier of the last name. So if we have a boy the name will live on. Now of course I don't think we will have just one baby, as long as we are able to, so if it doesn't happen this time..maybe next time??

I think monkey is a girl because of a few reasons:

• Her heart rate has always been super high, 178 is high! And research has showed girls tend to carry higher heartbeats than boys.
• Also, she looks cute.
• And because I was so sick! They say the extra estrogen in baby's developing body along with mother causes more sickness. 
• Also, TMI, but they say that mens female swimmers last longer than male swimmers. So since I charted that cycle I knew I had released an egg a few days after BD'ing...so scientifically most of the male swimmers would have died off or probably went to the wrong tube like retards who don't ask for directions. While the 'smarter' females took their time and sought after the egg for a 3 day voyage. 
• Also...THIS! Let's go back in time... 

Wednesday, September 22

Also what was also wierd was in the dream I was hanging up a pink babies bath robe on a white hook in the room...it was like I was preparing for a baby girl? Hmm... Honestly--I just think it's Gods way of preparing me for it! But I thought it was funny having a dream hanging up the baby bath robe because in August I dreamed I peed on a stick and it was positive. That was about 2 weeks before I got a the positive. And even though it was not sticky, this time around if I am I know it will be!

I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks later with this dream as well :)

Now I know all these aren't hard and fast rules/facts, most being wives tales, but it's still exciting to think about right?! Boy or girl, I can't wait to feel monkey move! I think I feel some stuff going on in there, but I don't know if it's monkey or the 3 pound bowl of cereal I ate.

Well I'm off to get stuff done today since I feel good!
Ciao.

A birthday surprise

Yesterday was my 11/12 week appointment to hear the heartbeat. You know, this was a nervous and scary time for me, since I had been silently worried about losing it. My parents came to visit us this thanksgiving, since I've been feeling so bad and couldn't really cook for hubby this year. So my step mom, hubby and I all went to the doctors appoitment.

I was nervous but everything started off pretty normal. Got inside the small room and laid down on the patient bed. The nurse grabbed the fetal doppler and began squirting the cold gel on my tummy. She started searching...it felt like hours went by but I knew it had only been about one minute. She couldn't find it. She told me not worry it could be hiding and she'd try again. But still...she couldn't find it. She said she would go get the doctor and he'd be sure to find it. While she left, I looked at my step mom. She looked uneasy but just stayed smiling. I looked at my husband and he just kept saying "Everything's gonna be fine..." more so trying to convince himself than me. I had mixed emotions, most of me was hanging on my faith by a thread "They are gonna find it". And then another small side of me "This is it...isn't it." I was pretty sure every single person in that room was praying the same prayer I was "Please God, let there be a healthy baby in there".


The doctor came in and after a few moment he could not find it. He simply said we would need to go to the ultrasound room to see the baby. We all walked over there and that process began. Immediately after she put the warm gel, she began telling us to look at the screen. I think I was holding my breath.

And there was a lovely heartbeat. 178 BPM and it was beautiful. Then the picture came...and both hubby and I stared with joker like smiles plastered on our face, as we watched a little human being move about on the screen!! It was AWESOME. Now I had showed hubby you tube videos of ultrasounds at 11 weeks, how the babies move. But it still shocked him to pieces to see OUR baby move! He recorded the short clip on his phone and so far I watch it about every few hours or so...I love it. The baby is moving her arms and looks like she sucks her thumb or laughing. Everyone says she looks like me because her face is real slender and not round like my hubbys.

I'm so in love already. And so happy that I'm a mile stone step closer to the second trimester (one week away!) and feel more confident in this pregnancy.

Not only did that happen on my last day of work until next week, but today I get to spend lots of time with my parents and hubby, and I'm feel much better and can't wait to eat, but tommorow I'm gonna do a bit of shopping and get my hair done (finally!) and Saturday I have a 4 hour prenatal spa day courtesy of my hubby!! All with no work, and just time to relax and enjoy this. IM SO HAPPY!!

What a wonderful birhday surprise.

Happy Birthday to Me, and Happy Gobble Gobble Day to you and yours :)

Week 10 and still going...I think.

I know it's still horrible I say things like "I think I'm still pregnant". But I mean you hear all the time about the different miscarriages especially the dreaded "Silent Miscarriage" aka the missed miscarriage. When the baby dies but your body carries on the pregnancy...for weeks. It's the most devastating in my opinion. And it's supposed to be rare, but I swear I run into about several woman a month on my baby boards that have come face to face with this terrible fate.

(BTW, I'm watching a movie, and just wonder why EVERY single time a person walks in on a dead bloody person they always get down and start touching them and rubbing their hands in the blood and all over their clothes....random I know)

It's super scary, but I can't help but think about all the possibilities. I have faith that since I'm not bleeding or cramping, that my baby is growing every day. Until the doctor proves me otherwise! My next appointment is next Wed to hear the heart beat. I saw it at 7 weeks, but at 11 weeks I should be able to hear it. Exciting, but I'm nervous! This one sound will really help me breathe easy for at least a little while...

Being pregnant has started off so rough. I last threw up yesterday morning, as soon as I woke up. Today I felt fine. Tomorrow if I don't throw up must mean by morning sickness is weaning. I won't hold my breath for Thursday though, hehe.

My appetite has resurfaced again! Yay! I snack a lot during the day, and in the evenings crave pasta (spaghetti, antipasto, etc) and CAESAR SALAD!  I eat one like every day! I like to think my body is just really wanting lettuce and that's fine with me since its healthy and I love it. At night my favorite snack is popcorn is hot sauce on it! Yum! I love going to bed full, I feel so good. But by the middle of the night during my usual pee time, I feel pretty bad cause my stomach is empty...and the cycle starts all over with me feeling awful in the morning.

In fact I'm on my second bowl of salad for the night, and I'm tired and really enjoy the relaxing time I get all day before work and then in the evenings after work. I LOVE laying around and sleeping. There's lots of things I would rather be doing, but I just don't have the energy to do it at all!

Only 2 more weeks until I hit the second trimester so hopefully I'll be feeling up to par by then!

Ciao.

I'm not dead...and I'm still pregnant!

I know I have disappeared from the face of the earth, both on the internet and in real life. Pregnancy has turned my life into a complete 180! Everything was fine and dandy for about...the first 5 weeks. During the end of my 5th week and moving into my 6th...I was getting so nauseated. Then during my 6th the nausea was worse. During my 7th week the nausea got even worse and I began gagging.

My hubby said "Don't worry about the gagging, you know your not gonna throw up so just try to do everything like normal"

I stopped taking his advice at week 8. Low and behold I had began actually throwing up in the mornings and afternoons. It was the worst! I was reduced down to a vomiting person who lied in bed (partially because I'm sooo tired) from the time she woke up to around 3 pm. I had to go to work for a few hours but luckily I tend to feel better in the afternoons and by evenings can eat food. When I get home from work at 8 pm, I watch tv for an hour and it's back to bed. It's been my schedule since week 6.

I last threw up Monday morning, week 9, and it was as soon as I opened my eyes and rolled over in the bed. It was awful. But since then, I actually been feeling good! This of course worries me, but in the past this feeling has never lasted a day and another morning!

I mean don't get me wrong, I'm super excited because I hate being nauseated, but it's so scary in pregnancy, because you wonder if it's 'normal' and if it means loss of symptoms = loss of baby! Since I had that chemical pregnancy before this pregnancy I really didn't let myself get attached to this baby. But now I'm very attached and would be devastated if anything happened. I know this fears and anxieties are normal, and most people tell me to 'cast them away' and for the most part I am doing that, but I can't help it. My mantra is 'God is working with my body to help create and keep this baby, my body knows what's it doing and so does God'.

We get to hear the heartbeat a day before my birthday...this could make my birthday great, or devastate both my birthday and thanksgiving. I'm sure things will be fine. I had an U/S @ 7 weeks and everything was good and we saw baby's heartbeat. So just gotta make it a few more weeks!!

Well I'm getting lighted headed now (yes!!)

I am pregnant!

What am I doing? Announcing my pregnancy in the early weeks? I know, I'm crazy. I've already been through one early miscarriage, and still I announce it to the world. How can anyone hold a secret this long? Beats me. I'll be 7 weeks next and be able to hear the heartbeat! After that, I'll be able to breathe easy. And honestly, if I miscarry...it will hurt like hell, but God says 'There's next month'. :o)

Anywho, let's get to the good stuff...this entry was written the morning I found out I was pregnant...

Sunday 10/3/10

"This morning I got up. Couldn't sleep, wanted to take my temp. Thought what the 'hey' and took it a bit earlier than normal. Temp sky rocketed. 98.48! And I slept butt naked last night! Decided today was the day. Took a dollar test, a cup, and my cell phone into guest bathroom. (Didn't want to wake up my hubby!) Realized the test box was empty (why did I place an empty box in the cupboard, I'll never know.) Ran back into our bathroom to get new test box. Ripped it open. Peed in cup while ensuring the instructions that I had read so many times had not changed. Put my four drops of pee into window. Sat there like an idiot, staring at the clock. A million things begin running through my mind. No more sleeping late, having to drop the spontaneity, extra bills, careers. I thought to myself "What am I doing". Two minutes pass. I glance down. "Is that a line?". WTF!! Even last month when I had the chemical I HAVE NEVER got a line on the $ Tests. NEVER. And here I was today...with a line. A positive line. Thoughts race. Must get box of FRER (first response)! Had one stick left. Used it quickly with same pee in cup. THAT FASTEST AND DARKEST LINE IN MY LIFE APPEARED!


Dropped to my knees almost crying but thanking God. Only him.


Afterward, I couldn't believe it. But still following suit. Taking a digital test, AS SOON AS ITS HUMANLY OK TO STOP AND GET ONE! It's currently 6:10 am and it's the slowest day ever already. .. I need a digital with hubby to confirm as I have never had positive on digital EVER. This would be quite an amazing thing if I did. If I don't...that's ok...


THANK YOU GOD!


Update @ 10 am: Shortly after I wrote a that took digital (yes, I purchased one at ungodly hours in the morning)...SAID POSITIVE!!


Shared the news with our pastors, they prayed over our seed. Lady M said "It's yours." :)"

What an exciting morning! I got excited just by reading it again, like I didn't know what was gonna happen either! I'm super excited and of course nervous that at any minute any thing could go wrong. But I have incredible support from friends and family, I'm confident if something goes wrong, they'll be just as supportive. I feel incredibly blessed.

Now...I'm happy and bursting at the seams...BUT..I'm also dying!! Morning sickness kicked in slowly this week and full blown the last few days. UGH! It's awful because I'm the sickest in the early AM. LIKE NIGHT TIME! I know! I wake up every night at around 1-3 AM, and feel like puking my guts out. Torture and blessing is so far I haven't. But it's just been awful. Then I have to sit up, even though I'll be so incredibly tired, if I lay down I feel so sick again. Finally it will go away as I fall asleep on a high incline. That's not the worst of it, every morning I feel like CRAP came to visit me, and it goes away for a little bit, and comes back throughout the day to visit. I basically stay sick 24/7, around the clock. Ugh, it's alot, and no one prepared me for all the emotions, and certainly no one gave my hubby the warning I'd have a death hit list on him for just breathing...but we are doing ok. :)

Toodles.

Another challenge...

Yes, I've given myself the ultimate challenge!! A crazy journey that will probably really make me feel like I'm entering a new phase of my life....

I'm going AU NATURALE! With my hair of course, I've decided to stop getting relaxers (straighteners) and to just try to this natural hair thing (curly or textured hair). I've been going back and forth on it for probably years, but I lost count when I got my last relaxer, I believe it was...August 6 (or at least I'll say it was for the time being. So today that would be make me post: Almost 10 weeks post. Not that far along since I usually get relaxers every8-10 weeks, but after this week, THEN, I'll really be pushing the limits of my sanity in my hair.

I'm excited, I got little waves already and so what the heck, chopping off my hair slowly, I have nothing to lose. After all, if it sucks like crazy, I'll just relax it! I'm sure it's more complicated than that, but...it's morning, what do you want from me? :)

Toodles.

I realized.

I realized that I haven't posted for the whole month of October yet! Not one post! I'm sure some people can guess what may be slowing me down...but I'm not ready to release it yet :)

Things have been going good at home, the house has been super messy and things have been out of order all week, and I'm EXHAUSTED. I feel like work is kicking my butt, although I don't do a lot for my job the little work I do kicks my butt! Yesterday all I wanted to do was go home and relax. Today after church, I'm solely relaxing, making dinner and finishing the clothes. I don't want to go out or anything.  Maybe to eat, hehe.

In other news, we are going to Houston the week after this coming week for 4 days!! So excited  for the conference! Well we love to travel so really it's just the packing up and out for the week that I truly love!

I think I'm going to let my hair go natural. I'm tired of relaxers. I know this a big step, but I want to try it now. I haven't had a relaxer since...I can't remember but it's only been about 8-10 weeks probably. I think I'm going to stay away. My hair is breaking off anyway, so I plan to keep getting it cut shorter and shorter gradually. I can straighten my hair now, or eventually do a weave while growing it out. New life stages require new looks!

Also, I think God has been hinting to my hubby and I about a new home. Well we like our home now, but we bought it intentionally as a starter home. Since we've been in it for a few years now, and know a good thing or two about homeownership, we think we may be ready to move on to the big leagues of homebuying....


Building our own home! 

Sounds crazy right? But we always said what we would like in our home, but haven't been able to find in any other homes. So we decided that it may be less expensive to find a nice home and reconstruct it to fit our perfect model, then to just purchase some land and build our own. Now, we aren't starting this tomorrow, BUT we are looking at plans and construction, prices, lots, etc. I say within the next 5-8 years it's something I'd like to accomplish. But there's alot of factors in that, and we still have to finish this house! But it's a nice goal for us to share :)

Well I'm off to do something about this ragamuffin on top of my head in time for church. Toodles.

In my dreams...

I had another wierd dream (don't I always??). I'll try to remember the key points because I've been awake for a few hours.

In the dream I was working at BGC and one of the girls I know who works at another branch was there. She was VERY pregnant! And I was so excited because I started asking her all these questions about her pregnancy and about the jobs insurance benefits and whether she will stay working after the baby is born. Well she appeared kind of cranky in the dream and kind of shrugged her shoulders and told me that she didn't really know about the coverages (NOT helpful!) and that she doesn't care because she's not planning on returning to work. So I walked to work in another area and when I had came back a few minutes later passing by the same pregnant girl, she has given birth! Like freshly given birth! I said to her "How could you just give birth in minutes?! I just saw you like 5 minutes ago?"

Even after this craziness I still convinced myself it wasn't a dream and went on about working, hehe.


I guess the main thing is...PREGNANCY! But why is my friend pregnant?

Pregnancy dreams usually symbolize a period of spiritual and transitional growth - perhaps in this case, it's for your friend - or it could be for you as well.

This makes sense for me because yesterday we finally became members of the church we've been attending for months! We are both really excited because we really enjoy the church and the people there. Still it doesn't make any sense why my random friend was there...And I'm not sure if I could ever even find out why she is the one pregnant and having the baby?  

Giving Birth to a Baby could mean... birthing a new idea, undertaking a new direction,  or entering a new life stage.

Again not sure why I wasn't the main character for this. Does this mean I want to watch someone else birth a new idea? A few nights ago I dreamed I was planning for pregnancy and hanging up newborn girls clothes. And now the dreams circle around another person?  Also I am working in the dream and dealing with some issues at my job that I would usually deal with (as it seemed very real).

To see yourself at work in a dream is an indication that your have anxiety about your current task or project. It may further indicate a need to "get to work." There may be an aspect of your work life that you have been neglecting. Consider finishing any open projects.

Interesting, I know I am really trying to organize and maintain some things at my job. Hopefully they will make my job easier and also help with entertaining the kids on a daily basis. Whew--I wrote a lot.

Ciao.