In my dreams...

I had another wierd dream (don't I always??). I'll try to remember the key points because I've been awake for a few hours.

In the dream I was working at BGC and one of the girls I know who works at another branch was there. She was VERY pregnant! And I was so excited because I started asking her all these questions about her pregnancy and about the jobs insurance benefits and whether she will stay working after the baby is born. Well she appeared kind of cranky in the dream and kind of shrugged her shoulders and told me that she didn't really know about the coverages (NOT helpful!) and that she doesn't care because she's not planning on returning to work. So I walked to work in another area and when I had came back a few minutes later passing by the same pregnant girl, she has given birth! Like freshly given birth! I said to her "How could you just give birth in minutes?! I just saw you like 5 minutes ago?"

Even after this craziness I still convinced myself it wasn't a dream and went on about working, hehe.


I guess the main thing is...PREGNANCY! But why is my friend pregnant?

Pregnancy dreams usually symbolize a period of spiritual and transitional growth - perhaps in this case, it's for your friend - or it could be for you as well.

This makes sense for me because yesterday we finally became members of the church we've been attending for months! We are both really excited because we really enjoy the church and the people there. Still it doesn't make any sense why my random friend was there...And I'm not sure if I could ever even find out why she is the one pregnant and having the baby?  

Giving Birth to a Baby could mean... birthing a new idea, undertaking a new direction,  or entering a new life stage.

Again not sure why I wasn't the main character for this. Does this mean I want to watch someone else birth a new idea? A few nights ago I dreamed I was planning for pregnancy and hanging up newborn girls clothes. And now the dreams circle around another person?  Also I am working in the dream and dealing with some issues at my job that I would usually deal with (as it seemed very real).

To see yourself at work in a dream is an indication that your have anxiety about your current task or project. It may further indicate a need to "get to work." There may be an aspect of your work life that you have been neglecting. Consider finishing any open projects.

Interesting, I know I am really trying to organize and maintain some things at my job. Hopefully they will make my job easier and also help with entertaining the kids on a daily basis. Whew--I wrote a lot.

Ciao.

Feeling off

I hate that feeling. Feeling 'off'. It's so annoying because you just can't put your finger on why exactly you don't feel like yourself.

I've been doing pretty good staying busy, this last week flew by. This whole one task per day is really helping me out a lot! Next week tasks are going to be, of course one day for cleaning the house, one day for washing clothes and watching movie, another day for getting my paint area set up (yay!), another day for library, and last day getting things together for BGC Fun Friday events.

I defineitly kinda hope I'm not pregnant this month. I mean I know that's wrong to say and of course if I were to be, it would very VERY welcomed and wanted, but this month...I just been slacking. I haven't taken my prenatal pills in a week, I've been eating awful. My water bottle got broke at work, so I really haven't been drinking much water. This probably explains my 'off' feeling...LOL. I just want to start fresh! Next month will be fresh and not so stressful! November would be even better :)

Anywho, we have church today, and I'm so exhausted! I get up every morning between 7-8 am and just stay up all day until around 10-11 pm. It's tiring! I need to start taking naps or something. Today I'm extra exhausted because yesterday I woke up 7 am and did my usual 'morning baby obsessing' and then tried to take a nap at 10 am. Hubby didn't let that happen so I went to work at 12 pm to 7 pm! I stayed an extra hour to make sure things were organized. I got off work came home, and then got dressed (all running on no power) I got dressed, and went out to eat with friends, after eating walked to movies with other friend. After that got home around 12ish and PASSED OUT (while attempting to read before bed). And here I am up in the wee hours, doing my baby obsessions and GETTING READY TO GET BACK IN THE BED FOR A BIT!!

Ciao.

Quite a dream...

I had a really weird dream last night!!

Hubby and I were at this mom and pops restaurant, that had a hotel connected to it. Well hubby and I were planning on "ahem" baby making, in that hotel after eating. Well I ordered  a strawberry shake because I was soo thirsty in the dream! And I remember drinking the shake and it was not doing ANYTHING for my thirst. I was upset about it so I summoned my hubby to come into the room so we could...yeah. And he said he would be in there shortly, but he never came in! I was HEATED! And very frustrated in the dream.

Also what was also wierd was in the dream I was hanging up a pink babies bath robe on a white hook in the room...it was like I was preparing for a baby girl? Hmm...

The main thing was the thirstyness I had during the dream

To dream that you are thirsty, symbolizes an unmet need. There is an emotional void in your life.

What about my husband avoiding me in the room?

Someone trying to avoid you may represent a feeling or fear of that person avoiding or abandoning you in real life. For more clues, consider why they are avoiding you in the dream.

Why was a hanging up baby girl's clothes in the room?

To dream that you are hanging clothes further means that you are clearing up your mind.

To see baby clothes in your dream implies that you are using a more restrained approach to communicate your thoughts and ideas. 

Honestly--I just think it's Gods way of preparing me for it! But I thought it was funny having a dream hanging up the baby bath robe because in August I dreamed I peed on a stick and it was positive. That was about 2 weeks before I got a the positive. And even though it was not sticky, this time around if I am I know it will be!

Ciao.

Beautiful, Beautiful

Just wanted to drop in real fast nasty and leave a song that has been stuck in my mind all week! It's a christian song called Beautiful, Beautiful and I hope it makes someone smile or blesses someone on their browse on my page! Lyrics are below, and Hubby and I are off to our Marriage Seminar!! Anywho...Enjoy :)





Lyrics:
Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace

(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face

(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace

(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

Fridays!

It's Friday! Happy Friday! Which means this week is ending and another week of hope and happiness is coming!

Hubby left last night for his 'man trip' with friends and I wasn't as heart broken as I imagined to see him go. Actually last night after work, I ordered some boneless wings and watched 'Just Wright'. Cute movie and good dinner, I was off to bed soon after that.

Today I do have some things to get done, today is Games and Puzzles on Fun Friday at my job. I think the kids are really going to enjoy some of things that I have planned, but I need to finish going to the store and getting everything I will need. I'm doing lunch with a friend and then off to work for the evening. When I get home I plan on watching a sappy movie and going to bed! I have a love/hate relationship with sappy movies.

Hubby and I have 'baby danced' again this month. I KNOW! We were supposed to wait! TO NOVEMBER! Ugh, you know I'm not patient, who am I trying to fool?! I have started charting and temping this month (I'm serious now, no more playing around!) But then...we are still playing around, because we are just randomly picking and choosing dates. Hubby likes to call it "Baby Russian Roulette" LOL. Men. But any who THE TIME IS NOW OR VERY VERY SOON! All signs in my life point to it! My insurance kicks in October 1, and I have called and clarified all information via them in regards to maternity services which are all covered (FOR FREE!! THANK YOU JESUS!) and then yesterday got my packet about my SHORT TERM DISABILITY! HALLELUJAH! I am good to go. I know it would be ideal to wait until November, but I can't just sit around and wait, we mind as well be trying while waiting, it might take us a while anyway! But hopefully not!

Well I'm off to finish this movie, eat left over wings for breakfast and get going!
Ciao.

How can it be?

That time is moving slowly but fast? This week and last week have zipped so far, but then everyday I feel like time is moving so slow?? So explican por favor? Because it makes no sense to me.

Today is just a blah day for me. I think mainly because staying home for most of the day is starting to make me crazy and then because hubby is leaving for a get-a-way trip with the boys from church. And I think I'm really REALLY going to miss him. Don't ask me why, because several months earlier I couldn't get him out of the house for the life of me. And now I can't keep him home! I'm going to miss him terribly because I don't have anything to do. And it's always fun to not have anything to do with someone else. But it's only a few days, I'll have to put my big girl panties on [where did I put those?] and just deal.


I'm making BBQ shredded pork sandwiches for his lunch [and dinner] and just finished watching Frida off my netflix. I love her, she's so inspirational...yet crazy at the same time. Inspires me to get started with art. But I'm gonna post pone art for a bit, because everyday I have some lame activities planned for myself so I don't go crazy. Today was deal with laundry and cleaning [this is an ongoing project, sadly]. Tomorrow I think is a good day to hit the book store for some $1 book sales and get some good readers. Sure I have about 184,857,582 books here, and 543,563 of those are unread or not completed, but I digress.

Friday, well I think I'm going to clean out my bedroom side table drawers, they get so messy so fast! Saturday, I'm going to work all day, that's good and then hopefully hang out with the other lonely wives, whose husbands have left them as well. And then Sunday GOOD OL SUNDAY! I will meet again with my love <3, I already can't wait and he hasn't even left yet.

I realized that by making lots of daily mini goals I can slowly accomplish something, without committing to a huge project and nauseating myself with the details of it. I hope this works, because even when I do get pregnant, it's just gonna be 9 MORE MONTHS of sitting at home WAITING!

But at least I won't be alone :)
Ciao.

Yesterday when we were getting high...

You were invited, you would of liked it...I-I-I-I-I know you all too well.

Ok clearly this was a lyric and not my own thoughts :)

Any who basically yesterday was a really good day!

Hubby called me while I was running to the store to grab some ingredients for lunch. At first I was like, OK his temporary job ran out of work for him and he will have to come home early. (This happened about two times last week). But instead he started telling me about a wonderful career opportunity at a company and the salary they offered him! I was elated! We had always said that the amount he was offered would have been ideal, but we never would have thought he would actually be offered that!

So we are extremely blessed! We were both praising the Lord and thanking him for everything he has done for us. Our faith has held true and God has shown me his promises are true! 

Oh and to top off the day hubby received his diploma in the mail! I'm so proud of him...
Yesterday was such a good day.



And now I'm more READY THAN EVER to start the babymakin...

Time is moving...

SLOW!

I know, I know, patience blah blah blah. Really on my mind right now is BABIES! A mere month, 2 weeks and 5 days till then...ahh.

Anywho, I totally got the big red hand from hubby when I announced my future plans of taking art/yoga class.
He stated

"It sounds expensive!" 

And then of course I said

"Only a mere 30,000 pesos! (I think that's 300?)" 

And then he said

"Can't you just do a yoga DVD at home? And paint a picture here?" 

Uhh...

But it is true, so I can still in fact complete those things, just at home. Which is good because honestly I can probably paint a nice picture for our bathroom. The entire wall is huge...and bare. But I chose the theme colors purple, gray and light yellow and it's hard to find anything to go up there. So I'll just make my own (I'm smiling smugly at myself.) I also think volunteering would help, but I can't actually force myself to start looking into it. I would like to work at an animal shelter...or maybe even a homeless shelter? Not sure how I feel about having to commit to something I'm not confident or sure I want to do.

Today has just begun, but I'm already out of bed, doing laundry, cleaning dishes, and straightening the house up. I have to make lunch for hubby when he gets home from work. And then off to work. This pretty much sums up the rest of September.


Hurry November! Hurry!

Another day...

another doller.

I have to work later today. Work has been kicking my butt lately and giving me the ride of my life. Sometimes I leave their smiling ear to ear bursting that the seams at the results of my day, and some days I leave their almost in tears and so frustrated that I immediately call my husband to complain. The job is treacherous and it's such hard work, but I when it pays off and I get to see a sliver of fun and excitement in those kids, the pay off is so worth it.

I have this feeling that GOD wants me to do this for sure. Don't know how it will lead to counseling but I'm sure it's all planned out.

Besides work I'm in this dreaded 2 month wait for TTC. I chose November as the best month to start and let me give you the sure fire ways I know it is:

1. My job offers both benefit and job protected leave for 12 weeks. You have to be at the company for at least 12 months= 1250 hours to qualify. At the end of the July will mark my complete year.  If I were to get pregnant in Nov, will be due in August.
2. I started temping (I said what the hey!) and that will give me 2 extra months to learn my cycle and better predict ovulation and increase chances of getting pregnant (around my birthday too!)
3. I will be officially taken prenatal vitamins for 3 months, which is the recommended time and amount to have in your system before you actually start baby making. 
4. Give us time to settle in our fields a bit more and save more money.
5. I will be under  under or around 7 months around May, and will still be able to travel and attend my friends weddings, my hubby is in one and I in another a week later! And will have a cute bump to sport too!

God is something else. I know I had prayed and prayed for a baby last month, and sadly it came and went. But how lucky am I? I didn't realize it, but I called my insurance company this week and my job health insurance doesn't start until Oct. I bet you, if I was already pregnant and then got the job insurance, they would have treated it as a pre-existing condition. Making my life a whole lot complicated than it needs to be.

All in all, I really think November is the ideal time to start trying and I need to learn that PATIENCE is a virtue (blah blah blehhh). I smile smugly at myself because actually this all mature and smart baby planning. We are not just blindly jumping in and having no idea what we are really doing. We are lining up most of our ducks and somewhat in order (hehe).

Well I only have a mere...1 month and 3 weeks until...I'm sure I can entertain myself for this long...

P.S I TOTALLY GRADUATE WITH MY MASTERS IN COUNSELING TODAY! Did I forget to add that? FRIED ICE CREAM HERE I COME!

Those crazy dreams...

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was out and about with hubby, we were at some sort of ....thing. LOL, I can't recall where we were but it was like we were just walking around downtown it seemed, in and our through random buildings. Any who, hubby was with friends from back home, and he mentioned that he used to do drugs. Drugs?! He said hardcore drugs like crack cocaine and heroine. I couldn't believe it! Then I got super angry, like RED HOT angry! I told him in the dream that he also lied to me about several things like drinking and stuff. And told him that I couldn't even trust him anymore. I was so upset and devastated!

  

To dream that someone is a liar, indicates your growing distrust for that person. You may have lost your faith in that individual. Alternatively, it suggests that you are no longer as confident.

To see your husband in your dream, signifies the waking relationship with your husband and the unconscious feelings you have towards him. The dream may be trying to focus on hidden elements that you are not addressing in your waking life.

Hmm...

A new start.

So I have decided on some small things to start with.

I have already somewhat mastered getting over my cooking fear. I have not only saved money, but also learned quite a few delicious meals that my Hubby really enjoys : )

So along with cooking and waiting until the long time before November 1st (only a mere, 1 month 4 weeks and 3 days left!) I have decided to take an Art class offered by the City, as well as an 8 week yoga/mediation class.

It's about $300.00 for everything together. Along with this, I've also decided to let my hubby purchase the video camera he's been dying to get in order to start his career jump.

This sounds promising...as a new start.

• Get a job!
• Work on yard (front and back)
• Travel to Las Vegas one more time :)
• Take a dance class
• Take a yoga class
• Take an art class
• Go camping
• Go to ski resort/cabin
• Change last name (officially!)
• Finish scrapbooks (up to date)
• Go out of the country again (Mexico, Puerto Rico, Italy, etc!)
• Go on a cruise!
• Go to New York City for a weekend- see a Broadway play
• Paint a picture for the home
• Finish (5) books (on book #1!)
• Get a fish tank and fishes!
• Put hardwood floors down
• Start and save extra money in new account for baby! :)
• Buy a new digital camera
• Go to California
• Have a dinner party (cooked by me!)

Hard to deny the flesh...

It is very hard...but let me tell you my story.

We actually decided in the middle of August that we were going to start for a family. Yes, it probably wasn't the ideal time and things could have waited but because hubby said to me, that he was ready, I decided FINALLY! And couldn't wait any longer, but also thinking that chances are it may take 2 or 3 months to even get pregnant. I obsessed during the dreaded 2 week wait over every little detail. Pregnancy and babies had consumed my life. I had stopped doing anything, including planning for work, cooking dinner, doing household chores, even walking my dog for crying out loud. Everything was baby, baby, baby! My hubby found it annoying, and I did too, I just couldn't stop!

Well...we ditched the rubber contraception and after we "baby danced" around the time I get my period I noticed it was late. I was excited because--well this could be it!  Finally a day after what I thought my period should have started I took an early pregnancy test and it said positive, but it was very faint. But a line is a line right? I was soo excited! The next day which was Saturday I took 4 more tests, all early response tests and they were faint but visible positives. I WAS UBERLY EXCITED! I told hubby and my parents and shared the good news with some friends at work.

Well, the next morning Sunday, I took a digital test to confirm...to my surprise it said Not pregnant. I was so confused, I was late on my period and I had gotten like 6 positive tests. Maybe I'm early? Well, I'll take another early response test to confirm, because it should be getting darker...well I took the test and to my dismay, it was even fainter than the one before. I was devastated. I cried and cried that morning, alone in my bathroom.

I knew something was wrong. Already.

The next morning, my period has started and I realized I had a chemical pregnancy.

"A chemical pregnancy is another name for a very early miscarriage.

When implantation occurs, but the pregnancy fails to develop properly, it is called a chemical pregnancy. That's because you were technically pregnant (you produced the chemical HCG), but a normal pregnancy did not result. You see it as a regular period, or a period that is a few days late."

I was pretty upset that Sunday when my test was negative, but I went to church and was prayed for by the pastor. Some key things I remember, is that he said I didn't like to see women and children hurt, and that it will show in my near future. He also said things will be better for my husband and I. He also said that God is gonna deal with me on some things first...he's gonna deal with me.

And I think I know what's going on. I think God is testing not only my faith in him, but my patience. My patience was good for a bit, but nearly not long enough. I rushed into this baby thing, and completely forgot about my responsibilities and important issues.

Long story short, I decided this morning, because it was set on my heart to do this...was to be patient until November to start TTC again. I chose this date to give myself time learn a bit more about my body, to get my insurance and benefits understood/eligible at my job (FML is job AND benefit protected for 12 weeks!). And to spend the next few days getting into a routine of walking my dog and self, making sure my home stays clean, getting closer to God, doing my best at work and making sure I'm keeping myself busy at home doing things I want, volunteer and yoga/art.

I sure said alot...but hopefully it will happen soon enough, and this time it will last...

God said to me

...To be patient. God said to me, to calm down and rest assured that his plans are for the best. He is a amazing and miraculous God and you just need to have faith in him. I do have faith in God and his will, will be done in my life. I choose God's will and I choose to follow, praise, worship, and trust in God. And this is very true. And from my heart, inspired by God...

Thank you for the message Lord.