Baby Desire Blurb #3

Disclaimer: This is really a rant.

 Hubby told me in so many words today

"Don't mention baby' in any of your future Face Book statuses. People will just think your annoying."

Let me translate this for you in Man-Language

"I'm really tired of you talking about babies and I don't care for them right now, so please stop posting them everywhere because your just annoying me."

Nice.

So I'm back to square one. Sometimes I feel like I've left the square, but really I just sort of walked around it, but never left it. Hubby is slow as molasses when it comes to this business, and I will be overjoyed when the day comes and he's actually...desiring it. I just feel like that day will be forever from now. And I mean forever.

This blog is my only and true friend who appreciates all of my baby talk. Because seriously, I hate it. That's right. I HATE IT.  But you see, unlike my hubby, I can not STOP thinking about it. It crowds my thoughts during the days, and disturbs my sleep at night. It hangs over me all the time and EVERYTIME I think I've beat it for the day...someone else pops up pregnant. And it's just enough to make me break down and scream. Not because I wish it were me, but more because it's just this uncontrollable urge that will not release itself from my ovaries!!

I am so frustrated with myself. For being so baby crazy. And for my annoying my husband. I wish he truly understood the feeling and how maternal it is for me. I hate the way I act when it comes to wanting babies, but it's like my body has a mind of it's own.

I have tried everything. Making timelines, creating baby bucket lists, staying busy, counting down, planning to not mention it for months at a time, limit my talk, read books about it, scare myself from it, and lastly blogging. Because if talking about it here doens't help...I think I will just explode into a million pieces. I feel so crazy and out of control...almost obsessed with the thoughts, and how I can't control the word vomit from spewing from my lips. I just wish he understood what that feeling is like...

Ciao.