What is wrong with me?!

Ugh! I do not LIKE myself right now. I'm hot, I'm cold, and I'm yes and I'm no. This whole time I have been so eager and so ready to do this...but yesterday Hubby (most likely jokingly) challenged me on it. And I backed down. And I've been scared since...what am I scared of? I started thinking...

"What if we didn't save enough?"

"What if I didn't travel enough?"

"What if we didn't see enough movies and dinners out??" [I know...for sure we have seen more movies and ate out enough. We have exceeded the average couple probably :)]

Just everything scares me. The whole idea, everything. It's almost like I know I am or something. It's just scary now. But I'm going to put on my big girl panties and think about this.


I had a dream last night. This going to be hard to explain.

But I had to go to college again for something. But I enrolled in HS (that was called college?) And there was a middle school too. So I went to the HS but then realized I had to walk to the middle school instead. And then once I got to the middle school, I met a guy, and he was really cute at first. Mixed race and tall. And he flirted with me, and I liked it. And then afterwards, he became really pushy with me throughout the school day. He finally tried to force me to have sex with him. His "ahem" genitalia was a black rotten banana. DON'T ASK! [lol].

Anywho I had to run away from him and I ran really far. I ran into a woods trying to hide from him behind bushes and trees. Finally I made it to the HS again, and I went to class. I saw my friend from HS and she was pregnant (as she is now!) And I talked to her about the baby and then explained to her why I had to run back home now, because this guy [who at this point looked really scary and unnattactive and OLD] was chasing me. I ran home. Which was a small home that was owned by a white woman. I'm not sure either.

About chases:

Consequently, you run, you hide or you try to outwit your pursuer. Your actions in the dream parallel how you would respond to pressure and cope with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, your dream indicates that you have a tendency to run away and avoid the issue. Ask yourself who is chasing you, so that you can gain an understanding and insight of the source of your fears and anxieties.

And then:

A more direct analysis of chase dreams is the fear of being attacked. Such dreams are more common among women than men, who may feel physically vulnerable in the urban environment. These dreams are often brought about by the media, who magnifies fears of violence and sexual assault.

So what about the black banana??

To see bananas in your dream, may be a metaphor for repressed sexual urges and desires.

Hmm..not sure. Clearly something dealing with intimacy, but not sure I read into it.

Ciao.