I have started about 3 entries, only to not finish them and start doing something else. [A.D.D!]
Well TTC is underway and there's no way I can keep it a secret on my blog, but I doubt anyone actually reads my blog who knows me personally,
I need to be ready to come out on my own about things at my own pace. But I need my release here. Plus it's not like it's a big secret anyway, everyone knows how baby crazy I've been since...geez forever?But if you do, please keep these things private, DO NOT flower my facebook profile with baby related things and congratulations on my page!!
Sunday, 31 August 2008
First comes marriage...then comes the baby!
But it's so wierd. I believe GOD always sends me messages. I don't know how but sometimes they come in various ways. And lately...my heart has been feeling strongly about a baby. I do not know why. Being pregnant and starting a family is weighing so heavily right now. There's more things I want to do in life before settling down like that. I still need to finish school, we have to get married next year, we need to find a spot we want to live in thats great for both of our careers...I'm looking at baby stuff, and thinking about babies, I'm so akward with babies though, you can tell I'm such a non baby person...I'm not sure where these feelings are coming from, and I don't know if we are ready for a baby now, but I got a feeling after we get married in June, and I graduate in school....it might happen. I mean, I know you can never really plan for a baby...because things never go as planned, but is there a right time, or good time to have one??
So you see that it's been literally a while since GOD has put that on my heart and I've been treading along...each year after year...
Friday, 10 July 2009
I finally got it.
Well...now I am happily married!! Let's see...happily married (together for over 5 years, living together for almost 2), stable job, house, a car... No...this burning desiring to reproduce that months later has not left me. I have tried to explain it to others, including JC and no one really gets it. It's a constant mind vs. body war. I really don't want to have a child right now, but it's so weird...it's like everything has came together perfectly that this is what I'm supposed to do?? I beg to differ logically. Ok...children are $$$ and time...and a lot of things that I don't really want to give up right now. But it's like my body is fighting and boy when she fights, she fights hard. My ovulation cycles are getting painful! Like every time a egg shoots out they are determined!!I'm trying to deal...it's the most frustrating anxiety I have experience so far in my life. I guess I'm ready in all the ways...but still 2 years is ideal!!
And so, yes I feel that for some crazy reason, God is leading my heart to believe that the time is now! And if it isn't 'right now' I'm sure it will be right on time when he wants it.
But sure enough...I have been officially exposed to the world of TTC [trying to conceive] learning the terms, BD [baby dance], DPO [days past ovulation], CM...I'm not going to say that one. But it's just sooo much information. And of course like the nerd I am, I am learning every single thing and trying wayyy to hard than I bet Adam and Eve did to accomplish this goal. I am not charting and taking temps, oh no, it's not like that. But I am looking at every single little symptom and I'm just TIRED of that. Literally tired [SYMPTOM!]
But as of today, I have decided that I'm pretty sure like 80% sure that AF [another word!] will appear soon, so I'm just hanging out till then.There's always next few months and I really think that the farther along in the summer the better because we are in weddings next year!
Other than that, OMG work has been atrocious! I'm pretty sure that word was not necessary or even used correctly, but I wanted to use it today, just to magnify the emotion. I mean some of these kids [and by kids I mean teens!] are out of control and really need their parents to be jailed for the lack and neglectful childhood they gave them. Most of the teens are good kids, but they are slowly being corrupted by what they see in their neighborhood and in the nasty negative media. Honestly, I felt that yesterday I just wanted to quit because my patience has disappeared. But after alot of pep talks, I decided to just put on my big girl panties [yeah, I thought I had them on too, but apparently they haven't been] and take this in stride. This job is a work in progress, and if I just give up now, I'll just be hurting them more than myself. The fortune cookie slip that I found right outsdie my car door a few weeks back stated
"Stick with the career that challenges you, otherwise you'll just be wasting your talent"
No lie. It said that. At the time I was working at the restaurant and doing my internship...but it's funny isn't it?
Ciao.
